Hello?
Ming! Turn that stinking music down!
Oh, it's you!
Where's my painting? I want my painting.
In the mail? Well, that's original!
I have to say, I'm astonished that you could do it!
The climb! All that schlepping at your tender age!
Anyway, bad news. The price for the goggles went up.
The Rembrandt's not gonna cover my expenses.
Under the circumstances, 40 million would be a bargain.
I don't care how you get it. Just make sure that you get it fast.
Tick-tock... tick-tock.
- Morning, Mr Cruz. - Morning.
First you insure the art, only to watch it get clipped a month after the client buys it.
Well, it could become part of our ad campaign.
I'll remember that when I go upstairs to hear about my new position in the Toledo office.
I called you at 4.30 this morning.
I was home in bed.
- You didn't pick up. - I didn't wanna pick up.
You had company.
- He came in the window. - How romantic.
I think that's how he got in.
This was 70 storeys up with smart-glass windows at 400 pounds a pop.
He rigged something.
And I think it was...
- ..telescoping bolts. - And you know this how?
Excuse me.
- You're showing off again. - Let a thousand flowers bloom.
- Chairman Mao. - You got it.
He left the window open when he came in.
The draught blew over the flowers.
I'll bet the bolts on that window have fresh scratches.
- And who do we like for this? - Guess.
Oh, gee. I wonder.
Indulge me.
Indulge you?
- Bob, may I? - Oh, yeah, sure. Go ahead.
Four weeks ago, when our client bought the Rembrandt.
- See anyone we know? - No.
No, and neither did anyone else.
Now look again.
You think he marked the buyer at the auction house.
- Right. - Good work, Bob.
- And let's not forget the calling card. - Elvis has not left the building.
This is classic Mac, Hector.
In the five years I've known you, you've liked MacDougal for half the cases we've worked.
- He's the best. - He's also 60 years old.
He ain't Spiderman any more. He's a rich guy. He doesn't have to steal a Rembrandt.
You think he steals because he has to?
Keep working.
So you get in here at 7am,
you work until 10, eat lunch alone, you have no friends at the office...
- Wow, you've been paying attention. - I'm worried about you.
Maybe I like being alone. Maybe I'm getting over someone.
Well, they say nothing gets you over the last one like the next one.
Is this your way of asking me out, Hector? Huh?
Well, um... not if you’re gonna say no.
You may be right.
- He was here this week. - He flew back to London this morning?
It might be worth sending someone over there, see what he's up to.
- I know this guy. - Do you?
Sure!
Some years back, when I was at the Bureau, we sent two guys after him.
I know, I know. They disappeared. I know the story.
- And these were both good agents. - They were both men.
What do you have in mind for bait?
- The one thing I know he wants. - Why not the Mona Lisa?
Our guy likes a challenge.
Come on.
I want this back.
Thank you, sir.
God!
Shit!
Rule number one:
Never carry a gun, or you might be tempted to use it.
- Why are you here? - To ask some questions.
If I don't like your answers, you're going out the window.
- Why are you following me? - I've got a proposition for you.
- How do I know that you're not a cop? - You'll just have to trust me.
Rule number two: Never trust a naked woman.
I had nothing to sleep in. Somebody stole my luggage.
Really? I'm shocked.
It's amazing what gets stolen these days. Your bags...
That Rembrandt.
Indeed. That Rembrandt.
- And this is your proposition? - Yep.
- I don't think it's for sale. - It's not. I'm gonna steal it.
From Bedford Palace? It's rather well guarded.
By its own random-access security code, changed daily, to which I have the key.
- Well, good for you. - But I need your help.
I can't get in and out.
I've already got a buyer who'll give me 40 million for it.
I have no reason to believe a word you've told me.
- But you want to. - Why is that?
Because you want the mask.
First we try, then we trust.
Meaning what?
Meet me outside the hotel, 9am. Preferably dressed.
- How do I know you'll be there? - Oh, I'll be there. And I'm never late.
- Not ever? - Never.
If I'm late... it's because I'm dead.
Whose hotel? Yours or mine?
Mac?
Ah, here we are.
You go straight in there and ask for Haas.
- Haas? - Lovely fella.
Very low-key.
You tell him you want to buy a Qing vase. The price is £200,000,
- which, of course, you won't pay. - Why not?
Because you're going to steal it. You are a thief, aren't you?
Take this card, which is fake. As he turns to swipe it, you swipe the vase.
OK.
Enjoy. I'll be waiting.
- Ooh! - Sorry!
- Hello! - Hi.
- I'm here for the Qing vase. - I don't know you.
We've never met before. Mac sent me.
- Where's the money? - Where's the vase?
- OK, show me the real one. - No, trust me, babe.
This is better than a real one. 200,000.
- What's that? - It's a credit card.
Yeah. And?
I need the miles.
What exactly... do you think this is?
- Harrods? - No, I've never seen rats at Harrods.
You like a joke, don't you?
Sure.
How funny is this?
I'm sorry. I made a terrible mistake about the vase.
Too right.
Uh, yeah, I did.
Time's running out. You can still escape if you’re quick.
Now listen.
- Where's the vase? - I broke it.
- What! - I'm sorry...
Oh, God!
God bless!
The man had a knife. What was I supposed to do?
- You were supposed to get the damn vase! - It was a cheap Victorian knockoff!
You missed the point of the entire exercise.
No, I didn't.
Oh. Good.
Good girl!
- Give it to me. - What is it?
Give it to me!
What is it?!
Bedford Palace.
The complete plans, security system, soup to nuts.
Man, look what you've done to this beautiful car!
Yeah, thank God it's not mine. Here, some clothes.
- Where are we going? These are my clothes! - Yes, you have some nice things.
- It was you? You stole my luggage? - I'm a thief. So sue me.
- And where are we going? - Up.
- Mac, where is my suitcase? - It's with hotel security.
With what?!
Why?
Well, there was a robbery yesterday at Cryptonic.
And someone stole five prototype super chips worth $4 million each.
And one of these chips is inside your suitcase.
- With hotel security. - Yes.
And one anonymous phone call, from me, plus the photos...
- What photos? - Oh, yes.
These.
Who took...?
Hey!
- This is entrapment! - What?
- This is called entrapment! - Actually, it's called blackmail.
Entrapment...
is what cops do to thieves.
You coming?
Almost there.
No lock? No security?
You're not casing the joint already, are you?
This way.
Oh, wow!
Shall we?
Oh, my God.
- This is quite a collection. - Thank you.
Only contemporary art?
- You sound surprised. - No, it's just not what I expected.
Where are the suits of armour and crossed swords?
Up in the attic. Whiskey?
Sure. I'd love one.
Wow!
Is all this paid for?
- With blood. Cheers. - To the mask.
- I'll show you to your room. - Who else do you bring here?
No-one.
- That's sad. - Why?
Well, to have something like this and not share it with anyone.
I don't need to share it with anyone. Most people buy art to show it off.
I collect art for me.
Your room's this way.
Good night, then.
- But it's still early. - Yes, we have an early start.
But I'm not tired!
Where do you sleep?
Why?
Just in case I need anything.
- May I ask you something? - Sure.
Has there ever been anyone you couldn't manipulate, beguile, or seduce?
No.
Why, do I make you uneasy, Mac?
No. No, not at all.
In fact, I think now might be a good time for you and I to, uh... discuss something.
Well, what do you have in mind?
The rules.
Oh! OK.
In order for there to be complete trust between thieves,
there can be nothing personal.
A job is a job. You do your part, I do mine.
If one of us thinks about something other than the task at hand,
we'll either both get caught, or both get dead.
Good night again.
No...
Nope. No...
No. No.
Nope.
- That's the way in. - That's the lake.
Yes, I know it's the lake, dear. The first duke dug a tunnel as a back door for his mistress.
100 years later, they flooded the place.
OK, so we go underwater.
I go underwater. I steal the mask. You get a finder's fee of 10%%%.
But I have the code to the mask case, dear.
Which you're now going to give to me.
No!
- Have you been wasting my time? - Have you been wasting mine?
I'll arrange your return to London.
I'm not who you think I am, Mac.
I hope not, for your sake.
I'm a thief.
So you keep telling me.
I stole the Rembrandt.
- Mac, I stole the Rembrandt! - And I painted the Sistine Chapel!
Come on! Ask me how I did it!
- How did you do it? - I came in from the roof.
I dropped 20 floors down on a McNeal Descender.
- You must be a hell of a climber. - I am.
Mm?
I am a hell of a climber!
I am... one... hell of a climber.
But how did you get it out of there?
Now that...
is the most...
beautiful part!
- I mailed it. - No!
I put it down their own mail chute.
Simple...
effective... safe.
That's very clever.
Nope. Not clever.
It was perfect!
Absolutely unbelievable!
You're right. It is beautiful.
Did you know that Rembrandt lived with his parents well into his forties?
But of course you'd know that. You're perfect.
How did you get that?
Why rob the penthouse... when the mailroom's on the ground floor?
How did you know I took it?
There's only a handful of people who can make the equipment you used.
And I know all of them.
- Someone was expecting that. - Obviously.
- Mr Conrad Greene of Kuala Lumpur. - Oh, God...!
What was it? A down payment? A service this Mr Greene is providing?
Yeah, something like that.
What could you possibly want to steal in Malaysia?
- Hm? - A hundred million dollars.
What's the job?
Like the wise man said:
First we try, then we trust.
Ah, good morning.
Wanna tell me why my Jaguar looks like you drove it off a fuckin' cliff?
Thibadeaux, I'm awfully sorry.
- You owe me 140 G's. - How about a $40 million Chinese mask?
Is it turbocharged with a six-CD changer?
Did you get everything I need?
- When we done, you buyin' me a new car. - Agreed. Did you get the small pneumatics?
Yeah, I got the small pneumatics. You gotta be a damn elf to use 'em.
- The det cord? - It's in the van.
That's some nasty shit. Don't mix it with nothing else or you'll be all over the floor.
- What the hell's this? - IR thermo- camera, what you asked for.
- I specifically said no liquid-plasma screen. - That was specifically all I could get.
How can I do this without the right tools?
Gimme a break, man. You think I go to K- Mart and get this shit?
Figure out something. You always do.
- Where's the honey? - In the loch, training.
I told her I swim for an hour every day, so she'll do it for two.
So, when is it we do the dirty?
Maybe we should wait a bit.
She's got a bigger job after this one.
This is big enough, man.
It's never big enough.
- You are keepin' this strictly business, right? - Strictly.
Have you ever bought a woman's dress?
It's for the job. For her.
I don't know her size.
Well, I'd say she's probably a six, but
she'd look real fine in a four.
I had this girl, Tina. She said the dress made the woman. I say the woman makes the dress.
That's a lovely story.
But could you get the dress?
Mac, you're too old for this shit.
This mask thing better be worth it.
Oh, it is.
It better be worth it for me.
Our gear has arrived.
Who brought it?
Delivery man.
- You order this stuff from a catalogue? - No, I order it from someone I trust implicitly.
There's lots more, if you’re not too tired.
Left a bit. Left a bit. What is it?
- It's 15. - Good. Now...
Straight back, straight back. Go on, take it out. Back.
There you go. There. Yeah, straight back now. Keep it taut. Taut!
There. That's it. Ah, finally!
Good. Well done.
Three...
two...
one.
- Five decibels. - Still too loud.
Set?
- One and... - Bang.
- Two and... - Bang.
- Three and... - Bang.
Four and...
Oh, yeah. Bang.
- The bangs must be with the clock's chimes! - OK, I forgot, I forgot!
Again.
Knees together. Down, down, tuck.
I'll watch the mask. You keep your mind on your movement.
Reach!
No, no, no! These are the lasers! Hm?
I am your eyes. So you keep yours closed, because you can't see.
But I'll be watching every move on our screen.
Come on, move! You have three minutes till the guard gets here!
Up... Good!
Better. Left leg. Left!
There you...
I need a break!
You'll get a break... when you get it right!
Number one!
Two and...
- Bang. - Three and...
- Bang. - Four and...
- Bang. - Five and... inflate!
Well, what's this? It's supposed to be one second!
- You're supposed to open the valve full! - I did open it full! Look, it's open!
All right, very well! I'll rectify it later. Hm?
Six.
Lever. Seven. Drop.
- Eight. - Deflate.
Well done!
I did open it full, OK? You can go over there and check.
Come on!
Here...
This is where I'm gonna enter into them.
Then I'll come up through the first beam. The hardest part.
I'm just gonna... You see? Right here.
Once I get under the first beam, I'll be fine. So don't worry about me, OK?
Once I have this on the computer, I can visualise it. I can do this blindfolded now.
Really?
- Is this absolutely necessary? - Yes.
- Because you won't be able to see them... - And you will. Right.
Trust me.
We're ready!
I'll tell you when we're ready.
You forgot the damn pressure switch, didn't you?
Jesus! You just can't help it, can you?
- Help what? - Being such a nasty son of a bitch.
This is how it has to be.
- But if you can't deal with it... - Hey, Mac? Bullshit!
You know what? I think you're just afraid to be nice to me!
Bastard!
Merry Christmas!
- For me? - Well, it's certainly not for me.
Open it.
I thought you were probably a six, but would look very nice as a four.
It's beautiful.
But?
Believe it or not, no-one's ever bought me a dress before.
Well, it comes out of your share.
I didn't get you anything.
- Not necessary. - No, no. I want to.
I won't be long.
I'll be waiting!
Waverly lnsurance.
Hi, this is Virginia Baker. Hector Cruz on a secure line, please.
Didn't I say something about checking in every day?
I'm sorry, Hector, but I can't just pick up my cellphone here.
- I've been worried about you. Where are you? - I'm staying with Mac, at his castle.
- Spare me the details. Did he take the bait? - Yeah, big time. And he’s got the Rembrandt.
Well...! Tilt bingo jackpot!
You wanna pick him up now?
- We've got him for possession, conspiracy... - But I can catch him with his hand in the till.
- Grand larceny, 25years to life. - You think you’re up to that?
- Hector, I know so. - So give me the how and the when.
- Look, I'll call you as soon as I know, OK? - Is that a promise?
- Course it's a promise. Look, I gotta go. - OK, just wait a second. I wanted to...
Hello?
Mac!
Mac?
- Did you find what you were looking for? - Ohh!
- God, you scared me! - You know what they say about fear.
- The only remedy's to cut off the head. - Really?
Beautiful view, isn't it?
It helps me to see things more clearly.
You know, I never come up here without dropping something off.
Go ahead, then.
We leave in two hours.
Gin!
Well?
Well.
You're the most beautiful crook I've ever seen.
Why, thank you, kind sir.
So I'll recognise you.
I wouldn't wanna go home with the wrong man now, would I?
It is a masked ball.
We all go as someone else.
Ten-thirty in... three...
two...
one. Now.
We should pay our respects to the guest of honour.
Shall we?
One, two, three, four, five.
And... north.
One, two, three.
Dum-de-dum, dum-de-dum.
Oh, here we are.
Oh!
- 15 seconds. - Going hot.
Seven... six...
five...
four...
three... two...
one. And one.
And two.
And three.
And four.
And five.
Six.
And seven.
And eight.
- More air. - Nine.
- More. - Ten.
More!
- Eleven. It's too loud! - More!
OK.
Up.
Good. You've got three minutes on the guard.
Balance. One point.
Now lift.
Two minutes on the guard.
Lift.
Extend. Now turn.
Up a little more.
Now bend the knee.
75 seconds.
Freeze.
You're blocking the beam. I can't see it.
Got it covered.
Clever girl.
Now, remember the damn pressure switch!
Good girl.
35 seconds.
Preparing pressure switch neutralisation device.
Now get out of there - fast!
Unbelievable!
- Let me have the mask. - Here he is!
Now this is where we play Truth or Dare.
What?
First we start with truth, huh?
You work for Hector Cruz at Waverly lnsurance, hm?
Now,
I dare you to lie to me.
- I don't know what you're talking about. - What!
The job was a cover! That's how I got the code.
No, no, no, you're playing both sides.
You're gonna sell the mask to Conrad Greene, then turn me in.
- No, I need you for the job. - There is no other job!
There is! It's worth over...